Apparently you make a good broom.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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