I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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