the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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