You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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