She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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