All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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