..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
