he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
