Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
