the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize