So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
