I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
