Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
