i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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