Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
