How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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