I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
