I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
