if i can run in heels then i can drive
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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