Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
