I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
