Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
