Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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