Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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