just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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