great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
