I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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