HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
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He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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