Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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