On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
