I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
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the night ended with taco bell and tears
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
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Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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