I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
A bitchslap is in order.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
