Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
