I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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