Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
