She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
