i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
