i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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