Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
