I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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