I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
