Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
