thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
