u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
