I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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