i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.