I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
