WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.