just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
