So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
