she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
