Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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