So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
