It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
