I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Damn victory sex feels great
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
