I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Kiss
Puke
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
