He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
