How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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