i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
