They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
