She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
