why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
