she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
