I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
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gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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