I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
