you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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