I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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