New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Randomize
