and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
