Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
