I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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